Friday, September 8, 2017

midlife midlife crisis

Or as everybody calls it, the Quarter-Life Crisis.

I prefer to call it my midlife-midlife crisis, though. Has a nice ring to it.

Feeling a lot of this lately, but it really hit me bad yesterday. I've been stressed AF with all that's been going on, and then my Mom and I had a big blow up over something so small when she effin' overreacted.

Now, I don't have the best relationship with my Mom. I don't know if it's because we're too much alike or too much different, but small arguments could turn into big fights in a blink of an eye. I love her, that was never in doubt. I just don't like spending too much alone time with her because she gets on my nerve.

That was the last straw. And everything just sort of came crashing down on me. I felt like I was having a breakdown, so I went to the church for a little alone time at the Adoremus. 

There are so many things going on to people everywhere, and my problems are nothing compared to those of others', but why do I feel as if I'm bearing the weight of the world on my shoulders?

I have parents who gave me nothing but the best, a boyfriend that I find annoying at times but loves me very much, a best friend I don't always see but can always rely on, and friends who always have my back. I live a good life; I have a business that's not making me a lot of money but is doing great;and by the grace of God we have another one opening up soon. 

By all intents and purposes, I shouldn't be feeling so down. I have so much more than what other people have, and I should be thankful. And I am. I am thankful.

I just want to be happy. Not the I-have-everything-I-want happy, but that my-life-is-shit-but-tomorrow-is-a-new-day-and-it-will-get-better happy. The kind of happy where the world may end tomorrow and I'll face it with a smile because I'm contented with the way I lived my life.

I just want to be at peace. The kind of peace where I know in my heart that whatever obstacle life throws my way, I can get pass it because God is always with me. The kind of peace where just let go, and let God. My faith is strong, but just like everyone else's, it wavers at the most difficult times.

I want to feel fine and stop being a bitch. I want to stop being cranky and snapping at people. I just want to be okay,

And just how sweet my is my BFF? 
She sent me chocolates to cheer me up. ♥

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