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Friday, June 2, 2017

on friendships and whatnots

I'm not really a social person. Sure, I have no problem talking to strangers, I can go to a party and mingle with people I don't know, and I'm always open to meeting new people. But deep down I know I'd rather stay home alone or hang out with the small circle of people that I'm always with. I'm not the type who needs to surround myself with friends to feel good about myself. I don't need a lot of friends, just a few who's proven to be loyal along the way. 

I've met a lot of people in my 20-plus years, and while most of those became friends, there's only a select few that I proudly claim as my best friends.

In friendship, I value honesty and loyalty above all. Honesty, because I don't think a friendship - or any type of relationship, really - can survive on lies. And loyalty because friends should always have each other's back, no matter what. 

Events these past few months made me realize that no matter how much you think you know a person, they can and will always surprise you - and sometimes not in a good way.

My friends and I, sometimes we talk about other people behind their backs. Not just strangers and acquaintances, either. We also talk about our friends who have the misfortune of not being with us at that moment. But we don't do it in a malicious way. It's just during one of those typical conversations where his/her name may come up, and it's not something we do intentionally to badmouth them. 

And when word got to one of those "friends" (emphasis on those quotation marks), that person took offense, got mad, and started acting cold towards us. I mean, sure I can understand why she got mad, and I would've apologized for hurting her feelings had she told me, but no. She kept her feelings bottled up for months without saying anything, leaving us to wonder why she stopped talking to us.

It was only about a year later when we found out. From one of our common friends, no less. So apparently everyone knew about her offended sensibilities except for us. She's the victim, with her hurt feelings pouring out, and we are the villains, her "so-called friends talking shit behind her back."

It wasn't something I was expecting, really. We've known each other since we were kids, and though we weren't as close as we were before, I would've thought that our friendship was worth something. That she could be mature enough to confront us and ask for the truth, instead of believing the exaggerated tales of the person whom I stupidly blabbed my mouth to. 

And to think I was friends with the traitor first. And I was nothing but a good friend to her. They became friends because I'd bring the traitor to our circle of friends, and the traitor chose a new friend over the one she's had for years. 

It hurts me that she'd betray a friend to gain the approval of another, when she could've had us both. And it also hurts me that my long time friend would choose to believe someone she's known only a few years. 

I'm still on speaking terms with that long time friend, though the best friend is not. But it's not the same kind of friendship we had before. It's more because we have the same group of friends, and to drop one would mean dropping them all. 

The traitor, though.. That's a different situation. I mean, we didn't have concrete proof that she was the one who babbled, but there's no one else who could've done it. We actually bumped into each other recently, and she greeted me and acted as though nothing happened. I smiled back, but that was it. I want to be the bigger person and just let bygones be bygones, but bitch, no. 

I'm not the easiest person to get along with - I'm moody, I'm mean, and I can be a bitch, but if there's one thing I'm proud of, it's that I'm loyal to my friends. 

The best friend and I made a pact that we'd tell each other the truth, no matter what. And that if, for example, someone would tell me that she's been talking behind my back, that I'd respect our friendship enough to ask her for the truth before believing another person over her. And that's one promise I'm pretty sure we'd have no trouble keeping. Because really, what kind of friend would you be if you just assume the worst about each other?


Our friendship is far from perfect. And we're not the hangout everyday nor talk every night kind of best friends. We seldom talk and we don't see each other that often, because adulting keeps us busy. But we take comfort in the fact that when the need arises, one will always be there for the other, come what may. And to me, that matters more than anything. 

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