idiotic quotes, part one

I already posted this on my FB, I just felt like posting it here. I'm fond of remembering whatever funny, stupid, crazy, (or all of the above) quotes that my friends blurt out without them meaning to. Sometimes I just overhear stuff, and I kinda collect them, too. People should be careful what they say around me. LOL

Ma'am C: "Women are like flat iron. You have to slowly make them hot."

Ma'am D: "Sthoap sthuds."

Ma'am M (sa ward, in front of the patient, the SO & all): "Patyun ta ka!!!"

Me: "Bahala na mahulog, basta busog."

Anj: "Snvrshwevrshversnvrsshwevrsnor."

Ate Agnes: "Bahala na mahulog basta mahamot."

Gaia: "We're rich!"

Janz: "Me like *toot*. Me wanna text him, but me texted you instead. So me like you too!"

Moi (asking about something censored): "Is it really that good?"
Janz: "Yeah boy!"

Janz: "Did you know that life has a cord? It's called the umbilical cord!"

Anj (to Janz and Me): "Why don't you just become lesbians together?"

Gaia: "You know how selfish we rich people are."

Cha: "Kay anooooo? Litik diri?" (in a high-pitched, gayish voice)

Janz: "..they're like two creams in a pod!"

Janz: "I don't want to marry a guy obstetrician, because what if they get tired looking at *censored*? I don't want him to get tired looking at it!"

Anj: "I look puerto rican? (amazed face). I look puerto rican! (proud face)."

Me: "How to grow big boobs?"
Janz: "You rub them with tissue paper."

Me: "I'm a growing girl. I need coins!"

Keng: "Debt of my intestines!" (Translation: "Utang na loob!")

Jojo: "Wheelbarrow! Wheelbarrow!" (with action)

Jojo: "Let's do frottage and effleurage at the same time!"

Ishan: "I love Valium! Hweeh! I love the power! Spell it with me! V-A-L-I-U-M!"

Ruel: "Fayalite means fight, fight, fight!"

Jihan: "Kita na mga Chinese.."

Jojo: "How would you introduce yourself to someone you've seen half-naked in pictures?"
Me: "Hi! I'm (insert name here). I saw you half-naked. Can I see the other half?"

Ma’am Nicole: “Diri pa na-activate it iya neurons asya diri pa hiya naka-interpret hit mga stimulus (i.e. janelle).”

Janz: “Yummy man your sapit!” (pertaining to *toot*)

Paul: "Smile and the world is round."

Jojo: "He doesn't eat pork eh. I'm pork!"

Keng: Mag-asawa ngan ak, gusto ko tak asawa bayot.
Me: Huh? Kay?
Keng: Coz I'll make him a man.

Me: How do you picture yourself 10 years from now?
Kenj: Me, I'm on the top of a billboard.. About to jump.

Cha (talking about ****): "Once matilawan niya hi Cha, magiging lalaki hiya."

Brian: "Are you drugs?"

May: "Haggardness is next to ugliness."

Me: (singing Just Stand Up. Very out of tune.)
Anj: Bel, what did you eat today?
Me: I don't know. I pooped them all out.

Janz: "People who have boobs, have power."

Anj: A child a day is another laceration.

Janz: The best things in life come as copy/paste.

Me: What's up with you guys dancing in your underwear?
My nephew: It's a genetic disorder.

Janz (to me): You can do driving! Just remember: do not hit people and cars have feelings to!

Krizzy: Sometimes I love you. Sometimes I hate you. Sometimes I nosebleed.

Anj: My big is not hole. No, wait. My hole is not big.
Janz: Do not say that in public.

Janz: *Sighs* If I only had a brain.. Oh, wait! I meant books!

Janz: Anu pa daw an katikangan han "Sana Maulit Muli"?
Bel (singing): Sana maulit muli..