Thursday, January 14, 2010

on breaking up, and getting back together..

..after an agonizing 2 years.

Yes, Lex and I are back together. Again. We have this weird on-off relationship when we were together for more than 2 years before. Then we went "off" for a very long time (we'd usually break up then get back together after a few days, laughing over how silly we were, but not that last time). Then we went into this awkward, we-have-the-same-friends phase, where we would get together every semester break, Christmas break, and summer break, making it harder for the both of us to move the hell on.

So it's no wonder we were so hung up on each other that we'd have a hard time looking for other people and entering another relationship.

He tried getting back with me a lot of times over the course of 2 years - but he stopped it during the start of the 2nd year. I guess he figured he'd wait til I'm ready (if I ever became ready) than annoy me and push me further away (because believe me, I was like a bomb waiting to explode whenever he pestered me, or whenever he is mentioned by our friends). That's how bitter I am was. Note the word was.

You're guessing I'm not bitter anymore. Maybe I still am, but I don't let the past bother me anymore. I figured, why not let bygones be bygones? Hell, we were young and stupid then, maybe we still are, but not as young and stupid as before, and that counts for something, right?

I mentioned here that he mentioned the L-word again on New Year's Day (of all times), and completely took me off guard. Not that I didn't know it. I knew. I guess I always did. I just sort of shuffled it to an unconscious part of my brain (I could rant about psychobabble crap, but it would just be a waste of everyone's time).

After that fateful day, we got to talking on the phone every night, it was so like high school all over again, back when I'd still doodle his name over a piece of paper and dream of cute babies with eyes like his and curly hair. We'd also hang out, mostly with friends, but also the two of us. I finally got to the point (again, after 2 years) where I'm once again comfortable being alone with him.

I felt like I was falling for him again - not that I ever stopped loving him. I was on denial after we broke up, I guess it was time I finally faced the truth. It's also the reason why I never had any relationships after ours ended (not that boys were lining at my feet trying to get my attention, but whatever).

Ok, I'm rambling. So there. We're back together. I just hope we'd stop acting stupid this time. They say people change with time - I know we both did. I just don't know if we changed for the better or for worse. I guess we'll have have to take one day at a time and see where it'll take us.

I don't want another long-distance relationship, but with him, I have no choice over that matter. He's in Manila, studying. I'm in Tacloban. He can come home after he graduates this April (I think - I can't guess accurately because DLSU is tri-sem), but by that time I'll be in Cebu (hopefully) studying Medicine. But we're making it work (again) this time.

Whatever. Right now, I'm just happy being in .

2 comments:

// krissy ♥ said...

Hi Belay! I'm happy for you :)

Belle ♥ said...

thanks krissy :)

looking for something?