looking for something?

Monday, August 20, 2012

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.

Dang, I forgot about this. =P

So, eight fears, huh? I really have to give this a lot of thought. I'm afraid of a lot of things, but nothing I'd classify as fear, really. Just small stuffs, not significant enough to be filed under fear. But if I really think this through, I know I'll be able to come up with something eight things.

Here we go.
  1. Cockroaches, especially the flying ones. I have no quarrel with these if they stay away from me, in fact I watched Joe's Apartment and I find in funny, not icky at all. It's just that, when they fly, that's when all hell break loose. I freak out, and starts shouting, which in turn freaks out whoever I'm with. I had this incident when I was about 12, when a cockroach flew over to my blanket. I was on the phone talking to a friend, and I just carelessly tossed the blanket so the cockroach would fall to the floor (they don't bother me then). But instead of the floor, it landed right on my bed near my legs. And it started crawling on my left leg, it felt so weird and creepy and icky that I accidentally threw the phone away and started screaming like somebody was killing me. My Mom heard me and ran to my room thinking the worst, and she just laughed when I relayed what happened. Needless to say, I've hated cockroaches since then.
  2. Big, hairy spiders. Or even the less hairy ones. Little house spiders don't scare me, what with their puny legs and all. But when they grow to be big ones, that's when I turn into someone with arachnophobia. I swear, I can't even go near enough to kill it.
  3. Pitch-black darkness. I'm not afraid of the dark. I never had nightlights when I was a kid. In fact, I prefer to sleep with the lights off because I can't sleep with them on. You know that kind of darkness where your eyes could never seem to adjust, and you can't see your fingers even if you wave them in front of your face? That's what I don't like. We went on vacation to Dumaguete several years back, and we spent a night at Apo Island. The place was beautiful, the locals friendly, the sea was amazing, and the marine life was just awesome. The problem was, the whole island's electricity was powered by generator only. And to conserve gas, they turn it on from like 6PM to 11PM only. So around 4Am I woke up, needing to use the bathroom. But it was so dark, not a flicker of any light, and it was just plain scary. I had to hold my bladder and I waited till the crack of dawn till I was able to use the facilities.
  4. Huge bathrooms. Now, this is unreasonable. I much prefer a bathroom where I can reach the walls when I stretch my arms. I've seen enough movies, and read a lot of books, to make me paranoid and think about killers attacking while the victim is taking a bath. Nuff said.
  5. Horror movies. I never watch horror movies (unless under coercion), whether in the moviehouse (especially not in a moviehouse) or on TV. I avoid them because of my overactive imagination. I tend to have nightmares after watching a horror flick, and then I wake up in the middle of the night breathing fast, my heartbeat loud and audible over the silence. Then I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep, with visions of ghosts, monsters running all over my mind. I'd have to go knock on my parents' door, wake them up from their sleep, and bunk in the small sofa bed in their room. Which, in turn, gets me a scolding from my Dad for watching a horror movie in the first place.
  6. Getting robbed, and killed. One night, I woke up and on my way to the bathroom, I saw that my Dad left the window open. I hastened to close it, while visions of a robber coming into our house and killing us all in our sleep was running through my mind. I think I've read to many suspense novels already.
  7. The future. I've never been a planner, but I always have grand hopes and dreams, although they keep changing over time. Seems to me as if I'm still a kid answering the question who I want to be when I grow up. I can't seem to stick to one dream and pursue it. Though I'd like to think that now, I've already found my niche. But still, the future is one big blurry question mark, and that's kinda scary to me.
  8. Losing my parents. I'm an only child, and my parents are my only immediate family. We're close, and they're the reason why I never entertained any notions of working abroad. I can't bear to be a continent away from them. Living in another city is already too much distance for me, what more if I'm on the other side of the planet? Sure, I have aunts and uncles and cousins and nieces and nephews, but they're not the same as a mother and a father. They're not that old yet, but they are both a little over 60. Life is not permanent, death is almost always sudden, and age, well age never factored in death. you can die young, or if you're lucky, you can live up to a hundred. The unpredictability of it all scares me, because I just can't bear the thought of not having my parents with me.
So there you have it. Took me over two hours to finish this. =D

No comments: