Thursday, March 25, 2010

reality has finally began to sink in

So Ma'am Me-Ann (an RN and the Asst. OIC of Management Services at PHC), my cousin's friend and co-worker, called me yesterday. She was asking for my application for a job at Heart Center.

A few months back, when my cousin celebrated her 50th birthday back here in her hometown, she brought her friends with her. And Ma'am Meh brought with her application forms for me to fill up. Ever since I first met her (back in our Dumaguete trip last summer 09), she's been telling me to get a job at Heart. Mind you, I just graduated that time. I never really thought about work then. Hell, I never even took the board exams yet.

Back to last January. I thought Ate Mycah (another RN and barkada of my cousin, and also a good friend of my despite the age gap) was joking when she told me that Ma'am Meh is trying to get me in Heart. So imagine my surprise when she came bringing all those forms. Back in those days, all I cared about was passing my board exam and going to Med school, but.. Well, turns out, fate had different plans.

Anyway, I decided to give Nursing as my profession a try. I figured I'd give it one year, tops. Then I can go on to Med school as planned. It's a perfect plan, right?

Then why didn't it feel like it?

After I passed the board exam (yey!), I postponed filling up the forms and compiling my requirements. I was gonna put off til I go to Manila this summer so I could hand it in personally, but last night, as I've said, Ma'am Meh called. She asked me to send in everything, and I just couldn't say no, because I know her intentions are good. I know how hard it is to find a job, especially with the overload of unemployed nurses, and I'm grateful she's doing this for me. Really grateful.

I should be excited. I'm gonna be working in an awesome hospital with awesome people I know, and I'm gonna be paid an awesome price. What's stopping me?

I'm scared.

I'm not exactly confident with my skills. They're mediocre at best. The only place where I feel like I'm awesome is in the DR (there was a time when I wanted to be an Ob-gyne), and the thing is, they don't have a delivery room at Heart. Plus, Ate Mycah's leaving Heart to work abroad. And although I know several people who work there, Ate Mycah's the only person I'm really close to, and it's gonna be hard for me without her being there.

I don't do well with new situations. I can adapt quickly, with the help of friends. But I always have a hard time adjusting to new places and new people at the same time. And that makes me scared. Really scared. Scared that I won't adjust, that I won't fit in, that I'll screw up.

Oh man.


// krissy ♥ said...

Words that may or may not comfort you:

Everyone has this fear of screwing up. I myself was super scared when I just started working, but look at me now, I have spent almost three years in my current job which I now want to leave because I already want to go after my dreams. I got a recommendation to apply at my dream company na, but I am now scared to go out of my comfort zone :( But as I read in countless magazine articles, nothing will happen if we just slack off. Lilipasan lang tayo ng panahon. Ano, housemates? :D

Belle ♥ said...

i already sent my application yesterday. cguro today matatanggap na un ni ma'am meh, and she'll start the ball rolling. :D pagpunta ko jan this summer eexam ako dun, and after that.. anything's possible. :D save some room for me! :)

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