the sexless innkeeper :]

Barney's Version
T'was the night before new year's, and the weather grew mean.
It was 3:00 in the morning, and I was stranded in Queens.
The tavern grew empty, the gas lights grew dim.
The horse-drawn carriages were all but snowed in.
Last call was approaching, and my fortunes looked bleak.
Then I turned to my left and stifled a shriek.
She had a peach fuzz beard and weighed 16 stone.
She gobbled up hot wings and swallowed the bones.
I muffled a scream and threw up in my mouth.
I asked, "where do you live?" and she said, "one block south."
I swallowed my pride and six shots of whiskey.
And prayed to the gods that she wasn't too frisky.
Back in her cave, she prepared us a snack.
'neath her mighty hooves, the floorboards did crack.
But when she returned, she found a sound sleeper.
And thus she became the sexless innkeeper.

Ted's Version
T'was the night before, I had hours to kill.
I sat in the tavern, grading parchments with quill.
A busty, young lassie flashed me a grin.
Her garb said "classy," but her eyes whispered "sin."
She said, "you're a teacher?" I said, "yes, indeed."
"I must have you," she moaned. "I'm turned on by tweed."
With haste we did scamper to my chamber anon.
We fell to the couch, and, bro, it was on.
I unlaced her bodice. Our passions grew deeper.
And thus ends the tale of the sexless innkeeper.

I got these from season 5, episode 4 of How I Met Your Mother. I never paid much attention to this TV series before.. But damn, now I'm hooked. I just can't get enough of Ted, Robin, Lily, and Marshall. And Barney. But of course, Barney! The rest of the cast are just great, but Barney's awesome!

I just can't wait to see who the Mother is. It's gonna be legen-wait for it-dary! :)